Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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