Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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