I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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