if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
