How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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