I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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