They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
