the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
there is glitter all over my balls
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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