I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
