I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.