who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
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and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever