Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.