I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long