I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i barfeds in our rink
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
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When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
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Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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