She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
