so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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