I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
