im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
