I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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