there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize