also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
