well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
