the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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