I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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