Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
