omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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