When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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