Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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