So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
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just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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