I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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