recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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