you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
