wanna go halves on a baby?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
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he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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