I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
