so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
