If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize