I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
