i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
