Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
