Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
