I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
