I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
