so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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