he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
