that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
