Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
