if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
