Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
