no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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