rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
