i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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