since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
