She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
