I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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