I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize