drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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