Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
