my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
