I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
