did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All I want is dick and wine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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