i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am spending my child support on dildos
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
