True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
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My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You ate ashes out of my bong
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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