I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
