I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
