Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
