Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
