Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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