You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
