Plan B is the new Plan A
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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