You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.