If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
