I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
