I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
