I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
