...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
